Paragraph 1: What
this person is doing today
Topic
sentences: alifia is a success business woman nowadays
Facts or examples – She
establish her own businesses like hotel, restaurant
- She is doing business relation with many company
Paragraph 2: The Road to
Success
Topic sentences: Alifia has a difficult life
journey
Facts or examples – She begin her business by worked in three
star hotel
– She won the best innovative
business woman competition
– She continue her business
education in university of California USA
Paragraph 3: The Road to
Success Three characteristics that led her to success
Topic sentences: There are 3 characteristics that
led her to her success
Facts or examples – She is a hardworking girl
– She is ambitious
– She is friendly
ALIFIA : BUSINESS WOMEN
Alifia is a success business woman. She have 10 star
hotels and many restaurant in many cities in Indonesia. she have relations with many big company in
Indonesia. she become one of the richest people in Indonesia. she get hundred
millions rupiah / month.
But its not
easy to achive that successful. She begin her career as a manager
in three stars hotel in a city in Indonesia. in that time She won the best innovative business woman competition
and than the result of her hardworking she got scholarship study business in
university of California in usa.
She is strong woman, hardworking when
do something and never give up.She is typically friendly person so she make
good relation with many people. That all the character to lead her to be
success. And now she become the rich person and success business woman in
Indonesia.
Hi Oliv! I think you should change:
BalasHapus"She have 10 star hotels and many restaurant in many cities in Indonesia. she have relations with many big company in Indonesia. she become one of the richest people in Indonesia" with :
"In Indonesia, she have 10 star hotels and many restaurant in many cities, and she have relations with many big company, she also become one of the richest people." You use to many "in Indonesia". Keep writing!
Hi Oliv! I think you should change:
BalasHapus"She have 10 star hotels and many restaurant in many cities in Indonesia. she have relations with many big company in Indonesia. she become one of the richest people in Indonesia" with :
"In Indonesia, she have 10 star hotels and many restaurant in many cities, and she have relations with many big company, she also become one of the richest people." You use to many "in Indonesia". Keep writing!
nice structure, i think you should improve u english
BalasHapusNever give up and believe in yourself. Every can have a success if we work hard.
BalasHapusIn paragraph1,it should be "successful woman"Not "success woman."But it is very good.i like it
BalasHapusYou must change she have be she has olivia.
BalasHapusHi oliv. I think it's better for you to change " She get hundred of millions rupiah/month " to "She gets......" tq.
BalasHapusHi oliv. I think it's better for you to change " She get hundred of millions rupiah/month " to "She gets......" tq.
BalasHapusHai oliv, I think you didn't make a composition paragraph, because your row in the sentences look same. So, You have to give space for the sentence to be paragraph
BalasHapusGood job😊
Wow he is so cool
BalasHapusthis article is also cool
But according to me
it will be better if you change"She begin her career as a manager in three stars hotel in a city in Indonesia" become
" She began her career as a manager in three stars hotel in a city in Indonesia"
Good job
you should be careful, your blog good paragraph
HapusHi Oliv,
BalasHapusshe is amazing. She is a good inspiration for us especially women. It shows that woman can be successful too.
I hope we can learn from her.
I think 'Alifia is a success business woman' should be 'Alifia is a successful business woman'.
'She have 10 star hotels and many restaurant in many cities in Indonesia. ' should be 'she has 10 star hotels and many restaurants in many cities in Indonesia.'
'she have relations with many big company in Indonesia. she become one of the richest people in Indonesia. she get hundred millions rupiah / month.' should be 'she has relations with many big companies in Indonesia. She becomes one of the richest people in Indonesia. SHe gets hundred millions rupiah/month'.
Thank you :)